Archive for May, 2008

In My Life / Some have gone and some remain

Monday, May 19th, 2008

Modern life is just filled with too much information and too many people. Some information we retain and some we lose. Some people we keep in contact with and some people we lose track of.

Information and people are different, to say the least. Information doesn’t care if it’s discarded or lost. Some people we encounter would like to keep in touch with us, but we lose them. And some people we would like to keep in touch with are themselves lost.

It’s just the inevitable process of life. It makes us cling to the things we have, to make us enjoy the things we experience today, because it may not be there tomorrow.

In My Life

(Lennon/McCartney)

There are places I’ll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more

The Shift to Game Consoles

Thursday, May 8th, 2008

Picture removed due to bandwidth (it was ranked way too high in Google Image search) - original pic is from here

I just bought two games for the Xbox 360: The Orange Box and Call of Duty 4. Kind of funny, since I don’t own an Xbox 360 (yet).

If anything, I am a PC gamer. Red Baron 3D, the first game I really seriously overplayed, was on the PC, and ever since I have been playing mostly PC games. Not that I was ever a real hardcore gamer. I really don’t play that often - maybe a few hours per week at most. It’s like a weekly movie for me. But back to the point: I’m a PC gamer. I would prefer if all my games were on the PC. But I was recently faced with a decision: upgrade my PC so I could play the latest games or buy a console (such as the Xbox 360) instead, and be able to buy games that were custom-made for it and not worry about it becoming obsolete soon.

I’ve never had a great PC rig. I’ve never been able to run games on High quality settings and have them run smoothly. At best, I can play Battlefield 2 with medium quality settings, but even then I experience a lot of gameplay lag, especially in intense situations where a grenade has exploded nearby and the PC needs to calculate to velocity of all the projectiles and general chaos resulting from it.

The thing is - all of this gameplay lag is avoided with a game console. If there is intense lag during game testing, it means that they go back and revise the code so it’s compatible with the console. In short, the gameplay is equal for everyone. There isn’t someone who can complain about not being able to play because of hardware lag.

Picture removed due to bandwidth (for some reason it was super high-ranked in Google Images) - the original pic is from here.

But there’s a downside: people aren’t able to create custom content. This is what often time keeps a game going, years after it’s released. Red Baron 3D was released in 1997, and there are still people playing it today. That would’ve been impossible had it not been for the dedicated modding community that has pushed the limits of the game. Custom improvements are impossible to implement on console games, unfortunately. But this does have a good side: no opportunity for hackers. People still find ways to cheat, but it’s generally much much harder to cheat on the console. Plus, if you get caught, your account is banned!

Those are the reasons for the consumer to buy a game console. But why should developers want to move? Simple: they have a bigger market and more opportunities for profit. Unless a person has a modded console, they are unable to run pirated games. Or, at least it’s quite a lot harder than it is on a PC. Because of this, gamers actually have to PURCHASE their games (what a concept), which results in profit for the developer! More and more I hear about studios that are easing back on their production of PC games. Even the recent Grand Theft Auto IV (which I’m sick of hearing about lately) was released just for the consoles. As of now there’s no word on a PC version.

In short, the focus is on the console market. If I want to keep playing games, I can play a few on my computer, experience hardware lag, and deal with hackers and cheaters, or I can buy a game console and avoid all of that. Plus, technically it’s a much cheaper option: $350 for an Xbox 360 versus ~$700-800 to upgrade all the hardware in my computer, of which the graphics card I want to buy itself costs as much as a Nintendo Wii: $250!

So, consoles it is…

Everyone

Saturday, May 3rd, 2008

Everyone is an excellent driver.
Everyone is in a relationship.
Everyone is a good communicator.
Everyone is a concert pianist.
Everyone deserves my attention.
Everyone is boastful.
Everyone is talented.
Everyone is hilarious.
Everyone is a conversationalist.
Everyone votes for the right party.
Everyone is married.
Everyone is an expert fisherman.
Everyone is in top physical shape.
Everyone takes life seriously.
Everyone has a dead end desk job.
Everyone has an inhuman boss.
Everyone is witty.
Everyone is no one at all.

Kyrie Eleison

Friday, May 2nd, 2008

Just today I was thinking how I had been preoccupied with school and hadn’t had the chance to think about her. In fact, it had been a while. No longer was she creeping up in my dreams even. I had been starting to feel a bit better.

Just tonight everyone went out to the midnight showing of Ironman, and of course she came along. I was happy to see her again. I tried to talk to her but it’s as difficult as ever before. I tried to make conversation, but it was obvious she would rather not talk. I guess at this point we would both rather not talk or make contact at all. I sort of lamented at how easily she got along with everyone else, and how she was enjoying herself and laughing. Whenever I’ve tried to make jokes they always fall flat. I’ve never made her laugh. I must not be very enjoyable to talk with either. In short, I simply reaffirm my belief that I don’t fit in. I never have.

Suicide has been a topic I keep returning to time and again, ever since high school. There are times such as these where the unbearable heaviness of my situation makes me question my existence. I really am an alien to this world. My room is the only place I belong. I don’t feel comfortable anywhere else.

I shouldn’t have to reflect on my life situation every time I go out to a movie with my friends. I have fun, but afterwards I’m just struct by how much I don’t belong there, or anywhere. I’ve been told that all these thoughts are my own, that it’s all in my head. Well, so be it, but I can’t get them out. I ask Christ for mercy but my situation remains the same. I ask God for direction but He is silent. Christ have mercy, Kyrie eleison. Kyrie eleison. Kyrie eleison. Kyrie eleison.