David B. Calhoun’s Blog

I’m tired, in more ways than one! This year has been a lot of fun.. I guess I’ve grown a bit. I learned that I’m not ready or equipped for the real world yet, so I’m going back to school to get a second bachelor’s degree (in Computer Science). I know there are MANY jobs I’m prevented from applying for simply because I don’t have a degree in CS. Also, I don’t think I know enough or am dedicated enough to go for a Master’s degree in CS, so that will come later, I hope…

I still hang onto the small hope that there is fulfillment later, at the end of the tunnel…

Things in my life are changing. Hopefully for the better. But in any case, things are changing.. I’ll be seeing less of my friends I’ve grown to be fond and familiar with and I’m jumping into something that I hope will work out for the best. It was fun while it lasted, but it just can’t last forever.. and it’s time to move on, in more ways than one.

I’ve been listening to this song recently, and it really echoes my sentiments about working with my friends at Javaground. The killer that makes the entire song for me is the last verse. Bob Dylan, probably sings this part the best (”I wish, I wish, I wish in vain…”).

I kind of like the Peter, Paul & Mary version of it for the rest of the song, but that version is missing a lot of the emotion that’s in the original.

While riding on a train goin’ west,
I fell asleep for to take my rest.
I dreamed a dream that made me sad,
Concerning myself and the first few friends I had.

With half-damp eyes I stared to the room
Where my friends and I spent many an afternoon,
Where we together weathered many a storm,
Laughin’ and singin’ till the early hours of the morn.

By the old wooden stove where our hats was hung,
Our words were told, our songs were sung,
Where we longed for nothin’ and were quite satisfied
Talkin’ and a-jokin’ about the world outside.

With haunted hearts through the heat and cold,
We never thought we could ever get old.
We thought we could sit forever in fun
But our chances really was a million to one.

As easy it was to tell black from white,
It was all that easy to tell wrong from right.
And our choices were few and the thought never hit
That the one road we traveled would ever shatter and split.

How many a year has passed and gone,
And many a gamble has been lost and won,
And many a road taken by many a friend,
And each one I’ve never seen again.

I wish, I wish, I wish in vain,
That we could sit simply in that room again.
Ten thousand dollars at the drop of a hat,
I’d give it all gladly if our lives could be like that.

Took a walk to the park today to meditate a bit.. here’s some stuff I wrote:

I can’t help but feel that when people speak of loneliness, they actually mean something else, something more abstract. It is like this: just last week I was talking with my friends and the subject of sex came up. Sex is fun and pleasurable, and one of my friends was trying to get me to chime in and agree. “Yes,” I said, “but there is something more.. something more abstract”.

I was thinking of people who live their lives to have sex. What an awfully simple fate to get stuck with sex for sex’s sake! And it’s scary to think that most people would like this sort of lifestyle if they could support themselves and if there were no consequences. But no - sex in itself is nothing. Like many pleasures, it points beyond itself, to some deep urge for the abstract - for pleasure itself, in its pure form? And it’s no wonder people mistake sex for abstract pleasure - for sex is the closest they will get to the abstract.

Enough of this digression - back to loneliness. When people say they’re lonely, I feel they are really aiming at something more abstract, deeper and beyond. THis is what I mean: there is a difference in the loneliness one feels in being apart from their family for a week or so and the loneliness one feels in not having a family at all. And I don’t think it’s a temporal difference (i.e. saying that they are different because one example has the person separated from their family by a week and the other example has the person separated from their family for a long indefinite period of time).

The difference is that in the one example the person means something to other people, and those people mean something to that person. In the case of the person with no family, there is no one to mean something to. There is no exchange of value of their existence. They are an island - no ships come or leave their harbor.

This is quite different from loneliness - the feeling of meaninglessness - but loneliness is one of its causes. A person is brought up in the world and perhaps questions a few things (i.e. in school, children ask “why are we learning this?”, “how can we use this?”, “what’s the point in learning this?”). And suppose later they reject their friends, they’re unsuccessful with love (or perhaps unrepairably broken-hearted), they have forsaken their family (or their family has forsaken them), and are now living alone. What horror if we have to question the point of their existence!: “what’s the point in you being here?”, “how can you be useful to the world?”, “why are you existing at all?”.

This is the real anguish of the lonely person - it’s an existential anguish. This is how it’s possible to walk down streets of crowded strangers and perhaps feel the deepest loneliness: the fact that so many faces are passing you by, but all are meaningless to you, and you are equally meaningless to them. Or - perhaps the small meaning you have to them consists in the fact that you’re in their way. This is beyond unnerving…

I remember after having drinks (see yesterday’s post) with his fellow philosophers, we went back to Brian Onishi’s apartment and somehow Jeremy Finzel challenged him to a wrestling match. Brandon took off his shirt, and being a lot bigger almost hurt Jeremy in the process of winning. We got pictures (SOMEONE has them) and it was funny.

I remember after Spanish class, talking with him in front of the Flour Fountain about life and future plans. He talked about how he was disappointed with philosophy, how he wanted to focus more on spiritual development for the time being. I remember him driving to and back from the Sushi place by the grocery store and coming back with some pretty tasty-looking food. I would never have tried that place if it wasn’t for him.

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News stories
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LA TIMES

Motorcyclist is killed in ricochet accident
From Times Staff and Wire Reports
June 15, 2007

A man riding a motorcycle was killed Thursday after hitting a sports car and a tractor-trailer, authorities said.

Brandon Garcia, 23, of Irvine was switching lanes heading south on Beach Boulevard about 7:45 a.m.

His handlebar struck the tractor-trailer and he veered into a Mercedes-Benz, witnesses told police.

The motorcycle bounced off the car back toward the tractor-trailer, which ran over the man. He died at the scene.

—————–
OC Register

Friday, June 15, 2007
Motorcyclist killed in Buena Park crash
Irvine man, 23, was splitting lanes of traffic on Beach Boulevard when handlebars caught semi.
By KIMBERLY EDDS
The Orange County Register

BUENA PARK –A 23-year-old motorcyclist splitting lanes of traffic during the morning commute was run over and killed by a semi truck after catching his handlebars on the truck.

Traffic was heavy along Beach Boulevard about 7:50 a.m. when Brandon Garcia of Irvine tried to cut into a lane with the big-rig near Artesia Boulevard, Buena Park police Sgt. Gary Worrall said.

Garcia’s handlebar caught the side of the truck, sending the motorcycle veering into a nearby Mercedes-Benz.

Garcia’s motorcycle bounced off the Mercedes and back in front of the semi. The truck driver, David Bonilla, 38, of Santa Ana, ran over Garcia, dragging him along Beach Boulevard before coming to a stop.

Garcia was pronounced dead by paramedics.

Under California law, motorcycles are allowed to split lanes but only under certain conditions - where there is a broken white line and when traffic is either at a stop or close to a being stopped. The motorcyclist can only be going 10-15 mph faster than the traffic they are passing.

According to the California Highway Patrol, 29 motorcyclists died in Orange County traffic accidents in 2005, marking the fourth highest total in California that year. An additional 630 motorcyclists were injured that same year.

Buena Park police traffic officers are investigating the crash. Neither the truck driver nor the driver of the Mercedes, Andrew Campos, 48, of La Mirada, were cited.

Contact the writer: kedds@ocregister.com or 714-796-7829

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Comments on OC Register article
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Let me share a little about Brandon. One of Brandon’s Life goals was to be a great youth pastor. And to be sure, he far exceeded that goal. He actually shared his own obituary, what he wanted people to say about him when he was gone, the Tuesday before he died. But even before that it seemed without even knowing it, he was preparing us for this, as it all becomes clearer we can see how maney people he effected. He recently gave his testimony about refinding the father that left him, and that has driven a hundred and counting to make good with there parents, or to find God. He started a growing mens ministry at Biola called the Journey. He poured his heart, soul, and blood in verything he did. he has accomplished more at 23, than some will in there life. He always said, like Jesus did, that heaven is here, now, you can experience heaven in this lifetime. And boy did he live that! Now he gets the full deal. I hope this helps some people. thanks.

skip - Jun 16, 2007 09:18:06 AM

I was an eye witness to the accident. My car was right behind the truck and sadly I saw everything. Traffic was stopped at the red light at Artesia. The front of the semi truck was only one car behind the intersection while the motorcycle was on his left about 4 or 5 car lengths from the intersection in between the truck and a car. When the light turned green the truck was able to start moving first. The motorcyclist must have realized he was running out of room quickly as the truck accelerated on his right. Eventually the truck clipped him or the bike and the way the bike spilled between the truck and the Mercedes threw him under the truck. I watched in horror as the truck accelerated across the intersection with him getting tangled underneath. He ended up being dragged until someone was able to flag down the truck driver. The truck driver did not feel the hit or realize what had happened until he was stopped by another witness when it cleared the other side of the intersection. From my perspective this was just a horrible accident and no one was at fault. I haven’t been able to get the images out of my head since it happened. I was especially saddened to learn it was someone so young. My heart and prayers go out to his family.

Eye Witness - Jun 15, 2007 09:35:17 PM

WOW, you people are all NUTS It was a miss judgement and it cost him his life Theres bad riders and bad drivers This world is not a perfect world Im sorry for this kid Im sure he will be missed

lostlakegirl - Jun 15, 2007 04:25:31 PM

Everyone who reads this story should be concerned with one thing - a young man died, leaving behind a grieving family. When someone dies, it is not a time to debate about who did what wrong - it is a time to be respectful to those who are affected by that persons death - debate can come later. My son died as the result of a motorcycle accident 4 years ago - my condolences to his family.

Char - Jun 15, 2007 01:56:46 PM

Brandon was a great young man with a heart dedicated to Jesus and helping others here and abroad. He always had a positive attitude and a smile on his face. It is our loss that he was taken. We could all benenfit from trying be a little like Brandon. Prayers for family and friends.

Bill B - Jun 15, 2007 01:10:19 PM

you’re absolutely right! Brandon was such a great man and all of us who knew him were definitely blessed.

anothergrieving friend - Jun 15, 2007 12:46:58 PM

From what I have read, it sounds like this rider made a simple clearance error. He though he had enough room to go between vehicles and his handlebar clipped the truck. Rider error. It happens. It’s unfortunate. I think we should leave it at that. However, there are a few factual errors with this story that should be noted. A motorcycle, and any two vehicles actually, can !share! any lane as long as there is sufficient room to do so safely. Lane sharing can be done at any speed. Traffic does not have to be stopped or near a stop - these are actually the most dangerous conditions to ride between traffic. Motorcycles can go between traffic at whatever speed is reasonable and safe. No greater than 10-15 mph faster then surrounding traffic is a good guideline, but it is not law. Of course, a motorcycle can not break any actual laws while going between traffic.

Jeremy S - Jun 15, 2007 12:46:53 PM

Honestly I am saddened by all the hostility between drivers and riders. I came to this site to help me process the death of a good man. He was a man who invested his life in building up and encouraging others. All of you who are angry at one another would have benefited in knowing this man who chose to love instead of hate.

GrievingFriend - Jun 15, 2007 11:54:15 AM

Southern California is very dangerous for motorcyclists because of the heavy traffic. I stopped riding years ago because it was just too scary. With cell phones and traffic people do not pay attention. Although motorcycles consume alot less gas so for the environment it would be nice if we had more riders! Oh well.

Sheri - Jun 15, 2007 10:16:30 AM

RESPECT the motorcycle. It is just that simple.

CalCarGuy - Jun 15, 2007 10:09:42 AM

Bev,so your saying more motorcyclist violate the law that cars or trucks? I don’t think so. Do you know how many of you people put your face on while your driving? And every morning I see people shaving there face, eating, reading a book or magazine, using there lap tops, having head phones listening to there i-pods, whatching movies, and talking on there cell phone while driving? Don’t be blind. You people violate the law way more often than we do. I don’t usually agree with The Monguls, but I have to agree on this one. I can’t wait for the next guy who cuts me off on my streets. We’ll be ready!

Hells Angels - Jun 15, 2007 09:56:27 AM

I agree with Russ Brown. He has represented me in court before. I was on the 210 East Freeway and traffic was going about 5-10mph. I was splitting lanes on the carpool lane chugging along around 20mph. I’ve could have gone faster but the area has a lot of CHP. There was another bike in front of me about 30 feet in front of me. The bike in front of me gets cut off by a silver F150 truck, the bike had to swerve to the lane next to hime to avoid the truck. Now I’m coming up next to the truck, the driver and passenger where laughing while they look at there rear view mirror and side mirror. I attemted to pass the same truck and he veers to cut me off. I kicked his door in as a reaction to what happend and I get pushed into the car next to me. I was not hurt bad since traffic was moving around 3-5mph at this point. In court the truck driver was charged with wreckless driving thanks to the witneses statements. There are alot of Motorcycle haters out there and a lot of the motorcycle community knows this, and a lot of us are now prepared.

Anti Anita Bike - Jun 15, 2007 09:22:30 AM

Brandon was my friend. Anita, you are cold-hearted. Brandon has a mother and sister that will miss him dearly, not to mention all the people he affected.

Kevin - Jun 15, 2007 09:00:42 AM

Stop being ignorant. If your going to talk about the law then make sure you have all the facts. California allows motorcycles to share lanes also known as lane spliting. This law was mad in effect so that CHP motor units can ride side by side in the same lane. Motorcycles ar also allowed to go in between lanes at traffic lights because it is safer for them than being stopped behind a car or truck. Most motorcycle accidents are caused buy motorist crossing the double yellow line at car pool lanes which is illegal. motorcyclist could only go 5mph faster than traffic but cannot exceed the speed limit while sharing lanes. Bikes sometimes clip your side mirrors because you are not paying close attention to your driving duties.

Russ Brown Motorcycle Law - Jun 15, 2007 08:55:21 AM

I hope auto drivers will not think badly of cyclists. I know splitting is not popular with auto drivers, but please remember, that is one less car that is in front of you. Please try and help make splitting as safe as possible, give a rider room when you can. Thanks.

Chris - Jun 14, 2007 11:42:19 PM

Sorry about my last post, which was pretty depressing. I am getting better now, albeit I’m still anxious about the future. For some reason it really got to me during the time I wrote the post.

I’m writing this post in memory of my friend Brandon Garcia, fellow philosopher who graduated with me. In fact, since I was a December grad, he was the only other philosophy major graduating with me. I sat next to him the whole time. I remember when he joked about the medallion Dr. Cook was wearing around his neck - he said “Dr. Cook’s got some nice bling!” And I remember when we botched the proceedings a bit by standing up at the wrong time (to wait in line to get diplomas), then abandoning our row and waiting a while with no place to go but to wait for our turn.

I remember him going out with a group of us philosophers at the semester’s end and we were off contract. We went to a pub and had a drink over discussion. Brandon had a drink that he named in honor of some philosophical theories, and it was hilarious. I forgot the first part of the name, but the second part ended with “…With a Proper Functionalist Twist”.

I also remember talking to him in Spanish class - and I remember him talking about the girl that sat in front of me, how pretty she was and how he wanted to get to know her more.

I remember him showing me his new motorcycle - that’s the very motorcycle he died riding.

Brandon was pretty involved with his church and with spiritual development projects in general. He created this spiritual development thing for men, called The Journey. He was the youth pastor at his church. He wanted to go to Biola school of Spiritual Formation. He was co-authoring a book with his friend Ryan, who I know because he also graduated with a degree in philosophy and was in some of my classes.

Death isn’t a thing to be taken lightly, even if there is life after death, as I and other Christians believe. Death is a paradox: it is at the same time the worst thing that could happen to you, and also the best thing. It is the worst because is ceases your current life, and your friends and contacts here lose contact with you and mourn your loss. You lose contact with them as well. But death is the best thing, because this is what we’re all headed towards. Our destination isn’t something on this world, but in another.

There are times when life here on Earth is so stressful and depressing that some want to speed up the process and kill themselves before their time has ended. I have certainly felt this was many times in my life, and even recently.

Brandon is the first person I know of who I talked to, was friends with, and yet who inexplicably died before his time. He had accomplished so much more than I have so far, and stands as an example of how to live life fully. Again death is paradoxical - one’s death creates the urge in another person to live, and to live more fully.

He was taken before his time, before he could accomplish all he could have. I feel responsible on my part to try to make up for his loss - to contribute at least as much as my share and his combined for the better in this world.

And I’m sure all who have lost a loved one know that life is precious. Life is not a thing to waste, or to spend being anxious or depressed all the time. Cherish even this very day, because tomorrow we could literally be gone, just like Brandon.

We will miss you man. Much love.

I’ve been really anxious lately, and it’s come to the point again where I’m completely disabled by it.. to the point where the day is wasted because I can’t get myself to focus. This is why I have so many unread books - I try to read, but my mind is so heavily weighed down by other things. It’s a curse.

Why do people have hopes for worldwide peace when even a person alone in their own room can’t be at peace with themself?

I’m going to bed early.. maybe tomorrow will be better.

Two posts in one day!

Anyhow.. just a quick note that Kierkegaard is living proof (living??) that being single doesn’t mean someone can’t accomplish much and have a powerful influence on the ideas of the world. He alone ought to give anyone hope. Although he did die young..

Hey Dave, here’s the recipe for the beef teriyaki that I made for the BBQ:

* top sirloin
* 1 cup sugar
* 1/2 cup water
* 1/2 cup shoyu
* 2 cloves garlic, crushed and chopped
* 1/8 tsp grated ginger

Cooking Directions

1. Mix the sugar, water, shoyu, garlic, and ginger in a large bowl.
2. Remove as much fat as you can from the meat, and slice the meat across the grain into thin strips that are about 1.5 inches wide and 1/8 inch thick. Try to make these strips long, if possible.
3. Place the meat in the marinade, and refrigerate overnight, mixing every now and then so the all the meat gets marinated on all sides.
4. Weave the meat onto skewers, and spread it so it is flat. If the strip of meat is short, put two or three strips of meat on the skewer (this is why we wanted the strips to be long ). Discard the marinade.
5. Barbecue the meat until it is well cooked.
6. Enjoy!

-Allison

Take a gander at this: places I’ve been

Apparently I need to visit more foreign countries!!

Which is more important? To live a life pursuing truth and wisdom (that’s the task of philosophy) or to strive to live a good life and to dedicate your efforts to helping others also live good lives? Or do they necessarily go hand-in-hand?

I’d think philosophers would want to say they go hand-in-hand, but I’m suspicious of this. What worries me more is that the task of living a good life, helping others, and setting an example for them, is actually more worthwhile than spending all one’s efforts doggedly pursuing truth and wisdom.

Or maybe this - that we should spend a certain period of our lives pursuing truth and wisdom, and the rest of our lives actually living it out. So you could say that the first half of our lives are spent pursuing theory, then the second half is spent actually living out that theory? Or maybe we would want to say that we can actually do both at the same time? So we can strive to understand truth and wisdom while actually living out a good life (which may involve constantly revising our definition of what the “good life” actually is…)