The crescendo after the calm

October 17th, 2008 Leave a comment...

Most people know Beethoven’s Fifth symphony for its famous opening four notes - “Dat Dat Dat Daah”. But recently I’ve come to appreciate it for it other movements. Up until recently I’ve enjoyed the beauty of the second movement. But one of the most amazing parts of the entire symphony is the fourth movement, which starts with a great crescendo that’s almost startling after the long calm of the third movement.

This is my life - for the longest time, a leaf floating on the calm waves, letting the waves take me wherever it leads. And then - BANG! The fourth movement, and I am now the wave that crashes onto the rocks by the shore. Timpani drums sound and the great waves roar and let themselves be heard. This is my life now - the crescendo at the start of the fourth movement:

Server issues!

October 9th, 2008 Leave a comment...

Dreamhost and my website and having issues co-existing. Up until recently, I hadn’t cracked down on some hotlinking of my images, and they were being requested like crazy. So my solution was to finally do what I should’ve done long ago: disable hotlinking of images.

My webserver is run by Dreamhost, which honestly has been a great web provider and really hasn’t given me issues until now. However, since I’m on shared hosting, they have to load balance their servers with special script killers. For instance, if my site begins hogging up too much resources via PHP pages, the script killer will kill off the process, resulting in a 500 Internal Server Error.

The thing is, the script killer seemed to not only kill the process but kill the original PHP script as well. This resulted in this blog as well as my new one-entry developer blog being completely broken. It also killed off some other PHP scripts on my site, including the home page, which is dead simple, but uses some PHP includes. As a result, most of my website remained inaccessible for probably way too long. I have been busy lately with school and work, but I was really neglecting this site!

Anyhow, things seem to be under control now, but I’m still trying to get stuff up and running.

In the meantime, my WWI Air Combat site seems largely unaffected, which is strange, since it runs on the same server and uses custom PHP scripts that I built to run it.

Father and Son (Cat Stevens)

August 4th, 2008 Leave a comment...

Father:

Son:

Father
Its not time to make a change,
Just relax, take it easy.
Youre still young, thats your fault,
Theres so much you have to know.
Find a girl, settle down,
If you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but Im happy.

I was once like you are now, and I know that its not easy,
To be calm when youve found something going on.
But take your time, think a lot,
Why, think of everything youve got.
For you will still be here tomorrow, but your dreams may not.

Son
How can I try to explain, when I do he turns away again.
Its always been the same, same old story.
From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen.
Now theres a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.

Father
Its not time to make a change,
Just sit down, take it slowly.
Youre still young, thats your fault,
Theres so much you have to go through.
Find a girl, settle down,
If you want you can marry.
Look at me, I am old, but Im happy.
(son– away away away, I know I have to
Make this decision alone - no)
Son
All the times that I cried, keeping all the things I knew inside,
Its hard, but its harder to ignore it.
If they were right, Id agree, but its them you know not me.
Now theres a way and I know that I have to go away.
I know I have to go.
(father– stay stay stay, why must you go and
Make this decision alone? )

Worst camping ever

August 4th, 2008 Leave a comment...

OK - so there’s some things that would’ve been nice to have known before going camping with my “friends”. Part of me honestly thinks that it was intentionally withheld from me for greater effect. So I learned about it through completely shameless and completely obvious innuendo. I spent the entire time pissed off. Instead of yelling and venting my anger and pissing everyone else off, I just went back to my own tent and vented there. I had a horrible night “sleeping”, and finally woke up at 3:30am and passed the time listening to music and watching the sunrise.

Bloody hell! Never again… Next time I go camping it’ll be by myself or with my family.

Wall-E summary and review

July 6th, 2008 2 Comments »

Wall-E posterI saw Wall-E this week, along with two other films, Hancock and Wanted. Wall-E, despite me being really uninterested in it, and honestly put-off by the previews, turned out to be probably the best movie I’ve seen this year. It’s a great movie for all ages - it has very limited dialogue, so most of the jokes are visual gags, which everyone can understand. But the story is really exceptional as well.

SPOILERS! You have been warned!

As it turns out, Wall-E is a green movie. There’s been a lot in the air lately about the benefits of being green, and of doing things to save the environment. I’m not sure this movie is a result of that movement, or if the story evolved separately, but it doesn’t really matter.

Basically, Wall-E is a trash compactor robot who spends his days making skyscraper buildings out of the blocks of trash he compacts. There’s no sign of life on earth except for Wall-E and his insect friend. But Wall-E is just a robot, so basically the only sign of life that we see is the insect. Wall-E carries on his programmed trash duties seemingly unaware that his creators, the humans, have long since left the planet some 700+ years ago. But there is some excitement in his day, since he sometimes chances upon interesting pieces of trash: Rubik’s cubes, fire extinguishers, lighters, colored party lights, and even pieces of other Wall-E robots, which turns out to be useful when his parts need replacing!

Wall-E and his Rubik’s cubeWall-E carries on his day-to-day duties until one day when a probe from the human’s cruise ship lands on Earth. The ship sends out a smaller probe called “Eve” to go search for signs of life - organic matter such as plants. At first, Eve is somewhat hostile to Wall-E, to say the least. But after long days of searching Earth for signs of life, Eve gets somewhat depressed. Well, as depressed as is robotically possible, anyhow. Wall-E uses the opportunity to bond with Eve, and brings her back to his place to show her around. Eve finds the plant matter, and being dutiful to her mission directive, grabs the plant and proceeds to shut down in hibernation mode.

Wall-E and EveAt this point in the story I started to really become attached to the two characters. Wall-E seemingly knows Eve’s mission directive, and puts her on the roof of his makeshift house, maybe so she transmits the homing signal better. Wall-E waits for Eve, holding up umbrellas to shield her from the rain (and endures being struck by lightning several times…), watching sunsets with her lifeless form, until one day he gives up and goes back to his normal life of trash compacting.

But then the ship comes back and scoops Eve away - almost leaving behind Wall-E, who manages at the last second to grab ahold of the spacecraft. So begins the real meat of the story, where we discover that the humans have maintained their settlement on a big cruise liner in space - for some 700 years.

Wall-E starts his search for Eve, which brings him through the everyday life of the humans on the space cruiseliner. The ship takes care of all the annoyances of life as we know it today. Robots are there to do the bidding of every human. Need to get to the store? Why bother walking when you can simply buy a floating chair, which takes you from place to place all automatically? There are robots to feed you, to move for you, and even to think for you. The result of humankind 700 years into the future is that we are a race of obese automatons who carry on with our lives with the robots making all the decisions for us.

EveWhen Wall-E finally finds Eve, he follows on her pre-programmed route that takes her directly to the captain of the ship to inform him that the Earth is once again capable of sustaining life, and to offer Wall-E’s plant as proof. Through some circumstances, the plant is lost, after which, through a series of unfortunate circumstances, the duo become identified as “rogue robots”, and are subsequently always on the run, while simultaneously on the search for the plant.

When they finally find the plant, it’s presented to the captain, but now it’s clear that the robots of the ship are the ones actually in control. The captain, who is as obese as his crew, has all but fallen into the “automatic” mode of daily life, in which he relies on the robots to even make decisions for him. But he makes a brave move and wrestles control away from the robots. After a long struggle, the plant is finally verified to be proof of sustainability of life on Earth, and the ship speeds ahead back towards Earth. When the obese citizens finally get used to actually moving their feet to walk around, they recolonize Earth. The credits are filled with nice art that depicts the people planting, farming, fishing, etc - all the things we take for granted now. And of course we see Wall-E and Eve as a now inseparable pair who themselves help in recolonizing the planet.

The film delivers a great philosophical message, which is probably why I like it so much. But it’s also a “cute” movie, as my sister says. I really did start to tear up at times. I really got connected to the characters.

Wall-E gazing at the starsThe message of the movie is in the end intensely “green”, as I mentioned at the beginning of my review. And it is intensely anti-big-corporation. All through the movie, on the abandoned earth and all around the cruise ship is the ubiquitous “Buy N Large” logo, which - there is no other way to put it - has really enslaved the human population and made them dependent. All through the movie the message is to think for yourself, to not be a robot or a slave. And incidentally, when Wall-E the robot decided to hitch a ride on the space probe that was carrying his dear companion Eve, when he arrived on the cruise ship he was the most human of all the actual humans aboard. He was the only one who broke out of his daily routine to becoming independent of his programming to follow his heart. And by the end of the movie, so too did the humans break out of their daily routines of automation and a lazy lifestyle. It’s then that we realize how great it is to be freethinking, to be physically and mentally independent of technology, and what it means to be human. And as hard as it may be to communicate this message of humanity through a pair of robots, the film easily delivers.

Great movie - go watch it :)

Trip to Sunnyvale

June 22nd, 2008 Leave a comment...

So now I’m officially a Yahoo! Intern. I’ll be working in Santa Monica for the summer, and it looks like I’ll be starting with re-working a site to be more iPhone compliant, which should be a lot of fun, and definitely a good learning experience.

For the last week I’ve been in Sunnyvale, training at the main Yahoo headquarters. It’s been a long long week for me, but it’s been really educational (class from 10am-6pm daily).

There’s a LOT of asian food around here, so dinner everyday has been quite interesting. Monday I had Thai, Tuesday I had Korean, Wednesday I had Indian. Thursday I ate at an intern party, so I just had a boba at a Chinese place. Friday I had Mexican, which isn’t asian, and it’s not really a change from my normal eating, but it was still different. Surprisingly, it was Mexican that gave my stomach the most problems, but I won’t go into detail on that…

Saturday I got some pizza delivered to my room, and today, Sunday, I went to the hotel BBQ for lunch, and will probably be going back for more for dinner.

I’ve been staying indoors for the weekend - it’s just too hot to do anything. I went for a walk Saturday, but came back sweating a lot. Today I left the room just to go to the BBQ.

Tomorrow will be my official orientation, after which I jump on my flight, and maybe make it back in time for dinner. The day after that, I start in Santa Monica :)

In My Life / Some have gone and some remain

May 19th, 2008 Leave a comment...

Modern life is just filled with too much information and too many people. Some information we retain and some we lose. Some people we keep in contact with and some people we lose track of.

Information and people are different, to say the least. Information doesn’t care if it’s discarded or lost. Some people we encounter would like to keep in touch with us, but we lose them. And some people we would like to keep in touch with are themselves lost.

It’s just the inevitable process of life. It makes us cling to the things we have, to make us enjoy the things we experience today, because it may not be there tomorrow.

In My Life

(Lennon/McCartney)

There are places I’ll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more

The Shift to Game Consoles

May 8th, 2008 Leave a comment...

Picture removed due to bandwidth (it was ranked way too high in Google Image search) - original pic is from here

I just bought two games for the Xbox 360: The Orange Box and Call of Duty 4. Kind of funny, since I don’t own an Xbox 360 (yet).

If anything, I am a PC gamer. Red Baron 3D, the first game I really seriously overplayed, was on the PC, and ever since I have been playing mostly PC games. Not that I was ever a real hardcore gamer. I really don’t play that often - maybe a few hours per week at most. It’s like a weekly movie for me. But back to the point: I’m a PC gamer. I would prefer if all my games were on the PC. But I was recently faced with a decision: upgrade my PC so I could play the latest games or buy a console (such as the Xbox 360) instead, and be able to buy games that were custom-made for it and not worry about it becoming obsolete soon.

I’ve never had a great PC rig. I’ve never been able to run games on High quality settings and have them run smoothly. At best, I can play Battlefield 2 with medium quality settings, but even then I experience a lot of gameplay lag, especially in intense situations where a grenade has exploded nearby and the PC needs to calculate to velocity of all the projectiles and general chaos resulting from it.

The thing is - all of this gameplay lag is avoided with a game console. If there is intense lag during game testing, it means that they go back and revise the code so it’s compatible with the console. In short, the gameplay is equal for everyone. There isn’t someone who can complain about not being able to play because of hardware lag.

Picture removed due to bandwidth (for some reason it was super high-ranked in Google Images) - the original pic is from here.

But there’s a downside: people aren’t able to create custom content. This is what often time keeps a game going, years after it’s released. Red Baron 3D was released in 1997, and there are still people playing it today. That would’ve been impossible had it not been for the dedicated modding community that has pushed the limits of the game. Custom improvements are impossible to implement on console games, unfortunately. But this does have a good side: no opportunity for hackers. People still find ways to cheat, but it’s generally much much harder to cheat on the console. Plus, if you get caught, your account is banned!

Those are the reasons for the consumer to buy a game console. But why should developers want to move? Simple: they have a bigger market and more opportunities for profit. Unless a person has a modded console, they are unable to run pirated games. Or, at least it’s quite a lot harder than it is on a PC. Because of this, gamers actually have to PURCHASE their games (what a concept), which results in profit for the developer! More and more I hear about studios that are easing back on their production of PC games. Even the recent Grand Theft Auto IV (which I’m sick of hearing about lately) was released just for the consoles. As of now there’s no word on a PC version.

In short, the focus is on the console market. If I want to keep playing games, I can play a few on my computer, experience hardware lag, and deal with hackers and cheaters, or I can buy a game console and avoid all of that. Plus, technically it’s a much cheaper option: $350 for an Xbox 360 versus ~$700-800 to upgrade all the hardware in my computer, of which the graphics card I want to buy itself costs as much as a Nintendo Wii: $250!

So, consoles it is…

Everyone

May 3rd, 2008 Leave a comment...

Everyone is an excellent driver.
Everyone is in a relationship.
Everyone is a good communicator.
Everyone is a concert pianist.
Everyone deserves my attention.
Everyone is boastful.
Everyone is talented.
Everyone is hilarious.
Everyone is a conversationalist.
Everyone votes for the right party.
Everyone is married.
Everyone is an expert fisherman.
Everyone is in top physical shape.
Everyone takes life seriously.
Everyone has a dead end desk job.
Everyone has an inhuman boss.
Everyone is witty.
Everyone is no one at all.

Kyrie Eleison

May 2nd, 2008 1 Comment »

Just today I was thinking how I had been preoccupied with school and hadn’t had the chance to think about her. In fact, it had been a while. No longer was she creeping up in my dreams even. I had been starting to feel a bit better.

Just tonight everyone went out to the midnight showing of Ironman, and of course she came along. I was happy to see her again. I tried to talk to her but it’s as difficult as ever before. I tried to make conversation, but it was obvious she would rather not talk. I guess at this point we would both rather not talk or make contact at all. I sort of lamented at how easily she got along with everyone else, and how she was enjoying herself and laughing. Whenever I’ve tried to make jokes they always fall flat. I’ve never made her laugh. I must not be very enjoyable to talk with either. In short, I simply reaffirm my belief that I don’t fit in. I never have.

Suicide has been a topic I keep returning to time and again, ever since high school. There are times such as these where the unbearable heaviness of my situation makes me question my existence. I really am an alien to this world. My room is the only place I belong. I don’t feel comfortable anywhere else.

I shouldn’t have to reflect on my life situation every time I go out to a movie with my friends. I have fun, but afterwards I’m just struct by how much I don’t belong there, or anywhere. I’ve been told that all these thoughts are my own, that it’s all in my head. Well, so be it, but I can’t get them out. I ask Christ for mercy but my situation remains the same. I ask God for direction but He is silent. Christ have mercy, Kyrie eleison. Kyrie eleison. Kyrie eleison. Kyrie eleison.