David B. Calhoun’s Blog

Updated April 16, 2008
(moved from the main article)

I attempted to register four domains with these people. I was asked for my credit card details which I provided, but received a message that my card was rejected. I then registered these domains with other providers using the same card with no problems.

When I received my next credit card statement I was not happy to see that iPower had, in fact, charged my card even though the domains had been registered by another company.

My attempts to get a refund were in vain, but that didn’t stop them from trying to bill me a year later for the same domains - still hosted elsewhere!!

They gave me the run-around about addresses etc, but when all the details had been given to them they then refused to even respond to my emails, and still have not made a refund

-Theo Perry on complaintsboard.com (4/6/2008)

Their reputation is horrible, look them up on the BBB website.

My experience:
1) I cancel two domains
2) I get email confirmation of the cancellations
3) 6 months later, someone from iPower calls about difficulty charging my card
4) I forward them the cancellation acknowledgements they sent me
5) They respond that those aren’t valid, I owe them for services, I need to go into a web form to “validate” my cancellation
6) I go to the form - it needs a username and password which I no longer have

I filed a complaint with the BBB. Absolutely one of the most dishonest, poorly managed companies I have ever used.

-Mike on vistainter.com (4/1/2008)

If you are going to leave IPOWER and to make sure you don’t get an automatic charge, send them a certified letter telling them to terminate the account. If you are going to recoupe (especially with a credit card), you will need the documentation. Fraud is when you tell them they do not have permission to access your account.
Yes, IPOWER does suck. I have been with them since 2003 and just recently (last year) is when I have had constant trouble with them also. You all need to write a letter to your states Attorney General concerning IPOWER, especially if they are fraudulently charging you.

-Brent on Geekswithblogs.net/tmoore (3/30/2008)

I cancelled my IPower account over two years ago. Last year they took $100 from my bank account without my permission. I had to go through the rigmarole of issueing a chrgeback through my bank to get the money back and I was successful. Now a year later they have once again sent me another invoice for a service i cancelled over two years ago. It seems that these guys just never give up.

-Rob on Geekswithblogs.net/tmoore (3/23/2008)

I cancelled my account with IPower over two years ago. They still attempt to take the money out of my bank account every year. Last year I issued a chargeback against them for taking money without my permission.. I was successful and got my money back. This year they are going to take the money again. As is clear from all the information on the web about their infamous customer service, it is impossible to get through to re cancel the same account that has already been cancelled. The only way to prevent this bunch of crooks from taking your cash is to warn your bank or to close your bank account. Even when you leave Ipower the problems just continue. They are the worst nightmare I have ever encountered on the entire internet. It is beyond a joke and someone somewhere needs a long prison sentence.

-LordByron on http://ipowercomplaints.com (3/23/2008)

Anyway, these assholes just hit my credit card for $190 renewal charge!

They claim that they are now going to refund me. We shall see.

Bruce H. on Geekswithblogs.net/tmoore (3/15/2008)

I signed up with iPower becuaswe I had expereinced some problems with Tripod in the past. However iPower turned out to be a bigger mistake that my ex-husband! I tried several times to cancel my account with iPower and the requests were ignored. iPower charged my credit card without my approval, in fact against my cancellation request. I called customer service and was told that my accounts would be cancelled and no further charges would appear on my account. Refunds were not possible for the transactions that were already processed. Next, iPower rushed through 4 other renewals charging my account within hours of my speking to a representative! I spoke to a billing supervisor who told me that cancellation requests in writing are not honored (!), my money would not be refunded and they had the right to process my renewals ahead of the renewal date! No apologies even though she admitted that they cheated me out of my money! I ended up disputing the charges, cancelling my credit card and filing a complaint with the FTC and the State of Md (my residnece). Stay away from iPower they will steal from you, admit it and continue about their business.

besthostsdirectory.com (3/4/2008)

I signed up for web hosting with this company over 2 years ago. Within 4 months, I called to cancel all services. However, 1 year from original date, they renewed the domain name, claiming that I didn’t cancel that portion. I believe I eventually got the money back from that, although it was a year ago, I don’t honestly remember. Either way, the web hosting should have been canceled at that point.

Today, another year later, I received my bank statement, with 2 charges from IPower–the service I canceled almost 2 years ago! When I call to ask charges to be reversed, I was put on hold for 20 minutes before I finally gave up and hung up. I have emailed them and I am awaiting a response.

Stephanie on ripoffreport.com (3/6/2008)

I canceled my service two days before renewal due to poor service. They charged my credit card and then refunded the amount minus a $50 administration charge. What crooks. They used to be good, now they suck. Don’t sign up with them.

-Marc on Geekswithblogs.net/tmoore (2/27/2008)

We left I-Power back in July 07. Bought our own server and pay a monthly fee for it to be in a secure environment. Thought the headaches were all behind us. The server is Great. Ipower just charged us again. Long phone time, take a ticket number. When will it end.???????

We will now have to cancel our credit card.

-Gin on http://ipowercomplaints.com (2/24/2008)

Ipower cost me a client. Ipower cost me a lot of time. An ipower tech support agent yelled at me for no reason (they must be having bad days). I’m very tech savy and all I did was ask him a question. Rather than get into the details of those horrible days I’ll touch on another issue, Ipower makes it extremely difficult for me to make them stop billing me! I switched to bluehost, which has been a great service so far, they are recommended. So during the switch I had to talk to a tech support guy because they also made it difficult to switch to a new host, anyway, I asked him to remove my information from their records so I wouldn’t be billed the next time around. They wrote and said I cannot be removed unless I call billing support. So that I did and was put on hold for 2 HOURS! I can’t deal with that so I wrote them an email and they responded saying that I must call them to cancel my billing cycle. Isn’t this illegal? What can I do?

-Kit on http://ipowercomplaints.com (2/2/2008)

We cancelled the renewal of a domain a month in advance using their Reseller’s panel - a month later they renewed the domain and hosting package and illegally charged my Credit Card. We have their confirmation email as evidence that we had cancelled the account so it would not be renewed. They have subsequently ignored severals of my emails, and support tickets. Out of desperation I have now contacted the Credit Card bureau and logged a dispute/fraud investigation against IPowerweb.

-garthh on http://ipowercomplaints.com (1/30/2008)

Oh, after you leave Ipower double check your credit card balances, they have been known to charge old customers after the accounts were cancelled. I’m putting a stop payment to Ipower on my card.

-AuntyAlias on http://ipowercomplaints.com (1/30/2008)

When you finally get to leave iPower you have to call several times and talk to several of the reps to be sure that you account(s) are completely closed. Be sure to have them email you a notification that the account is closed. I had them call my one Saturday night at 9:41PM, just after I went to sleep. They did not identify themselves as iPower… The rep said that he was calling in reference to ‘my website name’ and that the card ending in ‘last 4′ was denied. Remember, I was woke up with the call. I assumed that it was my new Host Provider because that payment was about due. I gave him a good card number and the call ended. I was bothered by the call so I got up and checked my bank statement online only to find that it was iPower and not my new Host Provider. Needless to say iPower claimed that I reopened the account so they would not immediately return my money. It took 6 days to get it back when it only took a few moments to take it from me. I was taken, don’t let them take you.

-Lewis Randall Garvin on http://hostjury.com (1/21/2008)

I hate ipower web, I have been with them for 7 years and stuck with them, and I mean stuck, because I can’t fricking get any help moving my domains, since they never give enom, ( my new domain management company) the ok.
So we are all sitting here waiting for ipower web to do what they are suppose to do.
You absolutely want to never use them.
People, they are the worst company on the internet I have EVER dealt with.
The average wait time to get a live person is over 1 hour!
Then if you are lucky enough to get a live person, they either can’t help you or transfer you back into the endless wait. Nightmare I tell you , nightmare.
I started my own hosting company because I was so frustrated by them.
If you landed here and need help, come and see me.
But I am telling you, I am still trying to move 3 websites away from them, and can’t do it. I have had to do disputes on charges on my credit cards with them because they keep billing me after I canceled accounts.
Worst company EVER, run don’t walk away from ipower.

-Linda on vistainter.com (1/17/2008)

These guys continue playing unfair games. I’ve been with them for 2 years. By the end of April 2006 I’ve notified them that I completely cancel their service. In two weeks I’ve received a message to confirm cancellation and I’ve done it immediately. However they charged me again for the next year of service. I had plenty of problems with their so called “technical support” before. They support themselves but not customers. So I’ve left iPowerWeb completely and forever. I just would like to warn everyone - NEVER DEAL WITH THEM!

Janis on besthostsdirectory.com (12/10/2006)

they are crooks. i had about 30 domains registered with them, and started my attempts to cancel 30 days before renewal. my first email was never responded to. they took 2 weeks to respond to my second, only to tell me they weren’t able to follow my request and to resubmit it. i did, a full week before they date THEY provided as my final chance to cancel before they auto renewed. I heard nothing until 2 days after the renewal date sayiing they were canceled and would not be auto renewed. when i got my credit card statement sure enough was the charge for all the domains, i contacted them and they said they would not be renewed next year. crooks. amazing how they couldn’t cancel my domains for 30 days and 3 emails, but 2 days after the auto renewed, they canceled them. I am fighting the charge with my cc company, but ipower is fighting too. its a mess. i have dealt with a number of other domain registrars -1and1, yahoo, godaddy, ihost, networksolution- and NEVER been screwed and blatently ripped off like this. stay away. stay far away.

http://geekswithblogs.net/tmoore/archive/2005/10/27/58333.aspx (1/13/2008)

I have tried to cancel their service with 5 different e-mails. They said I had an expired credit card on one of the e-mails they sent and I was thrilled that finally I could be gone from them. But they sent me another e-mail stating that they had renewed me and my new expiration date is for 11/12/2008. I told them I tried to cancel 5 times before that and they wrote me back and said they are sorry to see me go and would release me 2 days before my expiration date which is now 11/10/2008. I am being held hostage.

-Bonnie Star on Geekswithblogs.net/tmoore (10/31/2007)

The most irritating part is how they bill you, and you have to basically cancel your credit card to make them stop.

-kercule at http://geekswithblogs.net/tmoore (5/9/2007)

I have never seen such a dsiplay of arrogance and greed. I just told them last month they are NOT authiorized to charge my credit card. Of course they did anyway. Luckily I read baout how they hold peoples’ domains hostage so I have just transferrd mine and now I will be contesting the charge with my credit card company. Let ipower deal with my credit card company. I am SICK of no service and total greed!!! I will be so happy to see them go under - it sure is coming.

-Tamar on Geekswithblogs.net/tmoore (5/4/2006)

I too have been a victom of ipowerweb.I paid in advance for two years with them. After 1 year they shut down my website. I called , I wrote emails to support , billing and no one would reply except to say I did not pay my bill. I called my credit card company and wrote them a letter also stateing the problems I am having with ipowerweb.I ask them to get one years money back because they shut me down. So I did get my money back, then my phone was ringing and it was ipowerweb. They said it was an error on there part (yea my site was off a month) and to pay them for another two years and they wanted me to pay a charge back fee! I said no way am I paying for their mistake. I told him , this is the only way I got your attention to this problem ,by getting my money back.I switched to vizaweb and ipowerweb had my domain on lockdown. I wrote to the BBB and ICANN . There is an online form to file complaints at this link: Have a complaint about a registrar? ICANN does not resolve individual customer-service complaints about registrars. You can, however, http://www.internic.net/cgi/registrars/problem-report.cgi lodge a complaint about a registrar here.Then somehow they got my domain name back for me to use at Vizaweb. Now this year , I want to move my site on to Blue Host or a better service that isn`t to exspensive. I find out ipowerwer still has a hold of my domain name and I had to call them to registar.Ipowerweb is telling me to fax a copy of my credit card and I asked how much will this cost? Ipowerweb said two years and the $35 chargeback fee! I am going thru hell with them all over again!!! I pick the name kumitekid.com for my sons karate site now I find out ipowerweb has power again over me. My site is in lock down again. I am writting to the attorney general and BBB and file another ICANN complaint. I will post back if I have lost to those freaks of bussiness people at ipowerweb. I hope they get shut down for ripping people off.

-lorraineboot on http://www.ahfb2000.com (3/20/2006)

“A couple of years ago ipowerweb was quick to respond and provided good service at a good price. Recently, they billed my credit card for renewal EMEDIATLY after notifying them to cancel my account. IPOWERWEB SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!”

-Seth on Geekswithblogs.net/tmoore (11/14/2005)

“iPowerweb DOES suck. I’ve finally managed to cancel my account with them, but not after they illegally charged my credit card without authorization…”

-Gwen on Geekswithblogs.net/tmoore (8/23/2005)

I cancelled the hosting account the very next day, but they still charged my credit card the $95 for the year. Most companies would just cancel the charge from going through your account, ipowerweb basically stole the funds or borrowed them…??? WTF!!

-http://www.americanbadbusinesslist.com/ipowerweb-complaints.htm

DO NOT DO BUSINESS WITH IPOWERWEB. They are thieves. I chose not to renew my account with ipowerweb, yet they deducted $95.40 from my bank account without my authorization. After a huge battle, they finally credited my account $75.40 saying the other $20.00 was for the domain name which could not be refunded. Speaking of domain name, it was FREE, if you sign up for 1 year, which I did. So how could they keep $20.00 for a free domain name that I chose not to renew or keep. As I said earlier, I do web sites for others and I used ipowerweb for many of my clients. Well they done it again. I notified them in advance that I would not be renewing the website effective on the renewal date. They, once again, took $95.40 from my clients bank account, once again refunding $75.40 and keeping the other $20.00. They said that when you cancel an account the $20.00 for the FREE domain in non-refundable. I did not cancel my account, I just did not renew. So how can you be charged for something you did not purchase in the first place. My husband, who happens to be an attorney, is checking into the possibility of a class action lawsuit against ipowerweb because they have been doing this to everyone for years. I REPEAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR MONEY AND DISLIKE THIEVES, DO NOT DO BUSINESS WITH IPOWERWEB !!!

-Patricia Hedges on http://www.100best-free-web-space.com/userReview85/ipowerweb.html

I signed up with iPower becuaswe I had expereinced some problems with Tripod in the past. However iPower turned out to be a bigger mistake that my ex-husband! I tried several times to cancel my account with iPower and the requests were ignored. iPower charged my credit card without my approval, in fact against my cancellation request. I called customer service and was told that my accounts would be cancelled and no further charges would appear on my account. Refunds were not possible for the transactions that were already processed. Next, iPower rushed through 4 other renewals charging my account within hours of my speking to a representative! I spoke to a billing supervisor who told me that cancellation requests in writing are not honored (!), my money would not be refunded and they had the right to process my renewals ahead of the renewal date! No apologies even though she admitted that they cheated me out of my money! I ended up disputing the charges, cancelling my credit card and filing a complaint with the FTC and the State of Md (my residnece). Stay away from iPower they will steal from you, admit it and continue about their business.

http://www.100best-free-web-space.com/userReview85/ipowerweb.html

Even though I asked IPowerWeb multiple times, both on the phone and in writing, to remove accounts from auto-newal, they still charge my credit cards. In one case, they charged my card (I called into make a $10 change for a client) when my clients expired, but they never informed me that they were attaching my card to the client account. Another time, they threw an used checking account into a negative balance and it took 16 business days (despite the promise of a full refund within 15 business days) and a bunch of threatening and a dispute filed with the bank just to get a partial refund. The overdraft fee was $38 and I am still getting charged $33 per day since they didnt refund the whole amount. I am taking them to small claims court and just got off the phone with the police department. They play cicles with the email and phone support. It can take well over an hour to reach someone, only to have them tell you that they cant help you - and then they transfer you to someone else. Do not use this company.

http://www.americanbadbusinesslist.com/ipowerweb-complaints2.htm

(money image thanks to fjif.blogspot.com)

I spend a lot of time surfing the internet. A LOT. Much more than I should. Some of that time is spent writing comments to people I disagree with. Sometimes this isn’t the best of places, like comments on a video on YouTube.

I’m pretty pessimistic at this point that any of my comments have persuaded anyone or actually helped anyone. I think people just like to argue and not consider different opinions. However, in the off-chance someone might actually be persuaded, I put in my best effort.

One thing that people have a hard time doing is using the vocabulary of their opponent. This even applies to things such as different punctuation. For instance, in religious debates atheist will often not capitalize “God”. A religious person responding to them will sometimes even point this out as offensive. This gets nowhere, since it only gives the atheist more examples of how Christians are too hypersensitive or strange.

If you are a Christian and you debate with someone who doesn’t capitalize “God”, then for the sake of conversation compromise and don’t capitalize “god” as well. Then instead focus on the real issues of discussion.

The point is to compromise on the vocabulary. Instead of just using neutral language, take it one step further and use language your opponent uses. At least rhetorically it will give the appearance of some agreement.

iPowerWeb sucks. Add this story to the many others out there.

I opened up my credit card statement today and found this:
17 MAR IPOWER 888-5114678 MA $95.40

Is there something wrong here? Yes. This is iPowerWeb (they don’t deserve a hyperlink), my former web hosting company, which I canceled in JANUARY of this year. In fact, they were kind enough to send me a reassuring email to confirm my cancellation:

Dear David,

As you requested, we have cancelled your “##########” account. As of today, all Web site files and e-mail addresses associated with the account have been taken offline and no further charges will be processed.

Lies! I was charged. I had to call them up, and after waiting on hold for 20 minutes, cancel my account a second time. I was also reassured that my $95.40 will be credited to my credit card in a few days.

After searching around online for only a few minutes, I found numerous people complaining of the exact same thing. It’s become apparent that these charges are not errors after all, but an official business practice of iPowerWeb. After the customer has canceled, let their account remain active and automatically bill them for another year of hosting!

I have found that this business practice isn’t isolated to iPowerWeb, as many other companies do the exact same thing. AOL seems to be one of them (I’ve had my own issues trying to cancel them in the past).

More iPowerWeb fraud: caught giving themselves good reviews on HostJury!

I live in the United States. Why aren’t there laws that protect consumers like me against such abuse? Surely these practices are illegal, but they continue because it’s difficult to prove the billing is intentional and not accidental. Billing errors do happen, but they should be called into question when they occur as frequently as they do with iPowerWeb. Either the company is incompetent or they are intentionally screwing over former customers. Either way, they should be held accountable.

On the one hand these “billing errors” are like free nontaxable loans with no interest. If the company needs money, all they have to do is charge a former customer’s credit card. Instant cash! Then, a month later, after the former customer realizes the “error”, they call the company and have them refund the money and cancel the account. So the money is ultimately returned to the customer. This amounts to the best kind of “loan” a company can make! They make the “loan” and don’t have to pay interest!

Then there are those former customers who pay their bill without looking at each item. Unknowingly they’re paying for a service that hasn’t even been rendered to them, since they’ve canceled the service. That’s pure profit to iPowerWeb and other companies who perform this exploitative practice.

Well, suffice to say, NEVER do business with iPowerWeb. And this is not even to mention their poor services and poor customer support. You can find plenty of complaints about those elsewhere…

No joke, this has pissed me off so much that I’m going to yell so much that I’m sure to be heard. I’ve filed a complain with the Better Business Bureau (complaint #97045608) and sent an email to my congresswoman suggesting that a law be enacted to prevent this business practice and to protect consumers.

The rest of this post is dedicated to a compilation of customers who have complained about this same “billing error” after they canceled their account with iPowerWeb.

———————-
RESOURCES
File a complaint with the Better Business Bureau (BBB)
File a complaint with the Arizona Attorney General (iPower is located in Arizona)
How to leave iPowerWeb (HostJury)

———————-
DOCUMENTED DEFRAUD PRACTICED CASES
Moved to iPowerWeb: Documented Defraud Practices

——————————-

By the way, http://ipowercomplaints.com seems to be a good place to go if you want to create an account and blog about your bad experience with iPower.

I’m sort of on a mission to undo a lot of damage that’s happened over the past couple of months, and some even over the past year.

For the past couple of months, going back to December or so, I’ve been increasingly convinced that I just don’t fit in with my group of friends, and even that some of them are ignoring me or avoiding me. But now this has been proved not to be the case. As it turns out, whether I like it or not, it’s just been in my head. This is the danger of overanalyzing. What has happened was what Mark has told me was a self-fulfilling prophecy: I assume I’m being avoided, so my response is to isolate myself. But in isolating myself, for whatever reason, I am in turn avoided because it’s assumed I want to be left alone. Then I interpret this as more of me being avoided.

In philosophy, it’s a virtue to overanalyze something. In real life, overanalyzing can make you lose friends.

I’m trying to work on not feeling like I fit in. As for the person I thought was avoiding me - I first sent them an email, and just now I called them and chatted with them for the first time in many months. I could feel what was at first awkward - trying to have casual conversation for the first time in a long time - but by the end of the call it almost felt normal.

I feel really bad about what my over-analyzing has done. By the end of the call I was close to crying, then after the call I was crying. I don’t remember the last time I cried. I used to cry so often in high school that I simply stopped, and as a consequence I sort of bottle up those emotions and cry rarely.

If it had been anyone else, I would probably have lost them as a friend by now. But I am really grateful that they are patient enough to bear with my stupidity.

I’ve alienated myself, and only I can undo it.

Something else I’ve been doing - and this somewhat ties into the above - is taking my family and friends for granted. I go out to dinner with my family often, but sometimes I bring along a book or whatever, with the intention of eating and really just not contributing to the conversation. But I don’t realize that this really is the time when we’re the closest. This is the time when everyone talks about what’s going on, etc. Apart from that, sometimes when I’m locked away in my room, my mom comes in and wants to chat about something, or she gives me a book she thought I’d like. She’s trying to interact with me, to bond with me. Yet at the time, I just think of these things as annoyances. I need to learn not to take these things for granted.

Another thing that ties into all of this is my anger. Usually I seem to be a pretty nice person, but when I get angry, which is rarely, I REALLY get pissed off. This has put me in danger recently. I haven’t written the story here, but in summary, a couple of weeks ago I followed another driver to his home and argued with him. The details are petty and can be left out, but the basic thing was that I had though the guy was in the wrong, and yet HE is the one who yelled at me and shook his fist as he passed me by. I didn’t want him to get away with that without me putting up a defense. Mind you, I didn’t yell and make obsene gestures back. I wanted to have a chat with the guy. It wasn’t smart of him to do this within blocks of his home. I followed him until he pulled into his driveway, and with his three or four year old daughter staring on, we argued back and forth over who was in the wrong. For up to several days after the incident, I hadn’t regretted it. But now I know I should’ve just ignored him. Not to mention that what I did was completely unchristian-like. I feel like a fool for driving around with an “Alumni, Biola University” license frame and yet I go around doing ridiculous stuff like this.

Also, what I did completely put my life in danger. If the guy had a gun he could’ve just shot me. I claim that I wouldn’t care much.. that it would be my family and friends that would mourn my death. But that’s completely selfish of me not to care about my life, and to put myself needlessly in danger like that, and over really really petty things. My mom said that she couldn’t sleep all through that night because she was thinking about me. She wrote me a note the next morning and put it on my computer monitor: “David, Next time, take a deep breath and think twice! Don’t let your anger put you in danger. The moment will pass - no eye contact and turn up the radio so you can’t hear the jerk. Mom”

When my actions start having this kind of affect on people, especially my mom, I have to re-evaluate myself and know that I’m certainly doing something wrong.

One last thing - perhaps at the heart of all of this - is my relationship with God. It was easy when attending Biola to say that I am a Christian. I attended chapels, prayed a lot, etc. When I graduated and started working, I guess you can say I really slacked off. I have never been one to attend church, and I unfairly place the blame on my family, who has never attended church. But before I consider attending church again, I need to be right with God. I haven’t prayed for a long time. I have often felt that God is there and has interacted in history before, but that he seems strangely silent in present times, and I don’t even know if my prayers are being listened to. Some people lose faith over unanswered prayers. I think I understand why not all prayers can be answered. But if I were to lose my faith, it would be because I don’t think my prayers are being listened to. Self-deception is very easy for praying Christians. Am I praying to myself or to my God? How can I tell the difference? This has always been a touchy subject for me.

Anyhow, I suppose all of this is coming up all at once right before Easter, and this is no coincidence. The celebration of Easter occurs in what used to be pagan celebrations. But this doesn’t change the fact of why we celebrate Easter. That Christ died and was resurrected is no trivial matter. His death was him putting himself on the offering plate. We, like other ancient cultures, used to have to give sacrifices in place of our sins. The sacrifices used to identify with us, and our giving of them in sacrifice used to be symbolic of the payment we gave God in admission of our sins. Christ, realizing this method was outdated and ready to be changed, gave himself as a sacrifice for our sins. This is the profound meaning it has for us, and the meaning has been lost to so many, especially because they themselves have never had to give actual sacrifices.

So in many ways this is a time to realize my many sins. I’ve described some of them above. I had no idea until recently that it was getting closer to Easter. I hadn’t planned on things coming to a breaking point like this. That they did and that I realized these sins before Easter is no coincidence, I think. Saying this, I realize just now that God must still work in the world. This wasn’t an answered prayer - this wasn’t even God listening to a prayer, because I haven’t been praying. This is God showing me that I have to realize my sins and CHANGE.. and improve. He is showing me that though I still sin, Christ sacrificed himself for these very sins. This is God interacting in the world today.

So after last post I pretty much decided not to go to the next “outing” my friends and I will go on.

But after today I feel the complete opposite. I miss my friends, I haven’t seen a lot of them for a couple of months. I want to see them even if it means some heartbreak.

My heart tears me one way, and my brain tears me the other direction.

My heart is a complete fool and my brain is utterly heartless.

How can you forget someone you haven’t seen for two months, and yet still dream about regularly? I know this is especially painful for me, because I hardly ever remember my dreams. I know there’s something going on when I actually remember what - or in this case, who - I was dreaming about.

I guess it’s also always painful when you know this other person hasn’t thought about you except for maybe once by chance during that whole time, and all this time you yourself are preoccupied with them.

Surely I’m not the only one with this problem? Maybe I’m slightly too neurotic, and I realize that, but there must be others like me out there.

And then I will eventually become normal again, and able to concentrate and think of other things. But here’s the perfect time for the process to repeat itself. Blaise Pascal said it well:

How tiresome it is to give up pursuits to which we have become attached. A man enjoying a happy home-life has only to see a woman who attracts him, or spend five or six pleasant says gambling, and he will be very sorry to go back to what he was doing before. It happens every day. (Pensees, #79)

How painful it is to be away and think of this person daily… but how much more painful it is to actually be with her! To see her and laugh with her, and to occasionally share a silent glance between us, and wonder what the meaning of it is, and to wonder if there is still some possibility. And she stands so close as to touch you, and yet still you wonder. Then in the next moment she is obviously standing as far away from you as possible. And then you try to sit with her, and she makes an excuse and moves away to another seat. Is it just a game? How far can we string on this poor misguided soul? I have never had the pleasure of manipulating people this way before, oh it is fun!

Soon our mutual friends will get together again for a movie or a show of some sort, and until then I’m in constant struggle of wanting to go and not wanting to go. I am tempted to go, but the logical half of me knows I’ll just be teased and disappointed. She may well flirt and lead me on, but by the end of the night she will simultaneously have moved her seat and strategically avoided me. I’m not a friend, I’m not a human being, I’m just a puppet being strung along and manipulated.

NO, I do not want to go. And yet I’m still being tugged. My heart wants to go, to enjoy myself and hang out with my friends. But my brain knows that my heart is gullible and easily broken, and will certainly be broken again. The only way to prevent that is to avoid seeing her ever again.

I want to move on. I know I will eventually move on. The same thing happened to me with a girl in high school. Why is it that this is my only experience with girls? Why do I repeatedly subject myself to this torment and pain? This has a dramatic effect on my well-being and I really shouldn’t let it bother me. But it does. It bothers me a great deal.

One of my friends says I should use my passion and divert it into something creative, such as writing or something. Other than these blog entries, which are just written as a way to cool myself off, I really don’t have the discipline to sit down and write a story. I never have had that discipline. And I’ve always felt I write lousy stories. I have great ideas for plot and characters, but I don’t have the skill to write it into something worth reading. I just don’t.

God, I know you exist, but I don’t know how much you interact in the world anymore, if at all. Please help me deal with this torment. I pray for this every night, and eventually it will pass, but I pray that it will pass sooner. I am not sad anymore, I’m just tired.. tired of life in general. I seem to always have been ready to give up completely, but I know that’s not an option. Please carry me forward, please take care of me, please protect me, please be my purpose here, please let me come to terms with myself, please give me strength, please give me peace, please give me love. I know I deserve none of these things, but I desire all of them.

I have this idea to write a paper on the ethics (or lack theoreof?) of filesharing.

That’s all.

(this is just a reminder to myself!)

I’m making a resolution. And this one is not too hard to keep.

It’s not to get married or get romantically involved with anyone.

Seeing as I haven’t had difficulty keeping this resolution up till now, I shouldn’t have trouble in the future.

Life is more than than this. There are now more divorces than successful marriages. There’s too many women who divorce and take all their husband has, including kids, and leaves the husband worse off than he would’ve been if he simply stayed alone.

So I will stay alone. I get to have no household disputes, fights over money, fights about or with children, etc. None of it will happen.

Pretty boring? Yes, at home. But the secret is not to stay at home all the time. Get out and enjoy the world. Read in coffee shops, etc.

It’s not too hard. Lonely maybe. But not hard.

I am getting to have a really unreasonably hatred toward certain online communities.

And when I mean “online communities”, I really mean: 4chan.org, ytmnd.com, the World of Warcraft forums, etc.

Each community has their own distinctive features: World of Warcraft forums are filled with people who, not satisfied with the normal butchering of the English language featured on the internet, take it a step further and make posts that are almost undecipherable.

The distinctive feature of the 4chan boards seems to be being unabashedly horny towards ALL THE WRONG THINGS. Pixelated animated Japanese women is one thing, but it’s quite another to be responsible for coining the word “Rule 34″ (look it up on Urbandictionary). That’s NOT something to be proud of.

Ytmnd is less of an issue for me nowadays, since I hardly ever visit that site anymore, but it generally has all the characteristics of what I hate about a lot of forums.

What seems to be common to all of them is an utter lack of respect for anyone - most posters seem to forget is that who they’re responding to is an actual HUMAN BEING behind the screen, who took the time to write a post. No doubt people would be more respectful if they were actually talking face to face. If people in real life acted the way they do on the internet, it wouldn’t be surprising if they were beaten to a pulp and kept from procreating, simply out of principle.

Another thing that I hate, other than lack of respect, is unoriginality. This is especially evident in posts that look like this:

Post 1. Hi guys! I’m wondering if I can find a picture of….
Post 2. Rule 34
Post 3. Rule 34
Post 4. Rule 34
Post 5. Rule 34
Post 6. Rule 34
Post 7. Rule 34
Post 8. Rule 34
Post 9. Rule 34
Post 10. Rule 34

Note that posts 2-10 are all by DIFFERENT POSTERS, who think they’re being cute.

ALRIGHT, WE GET IT ALREADY!! You can copy and paste! And you can parrot the previous poster. You think you’re being cute and clever. You’re not. You look like fools.

This is why I will always have more respect for, say, a forum on a website such as the Rational Responders - while I utterly disagree with their beliefs and their methods for spreading their beliefs (atheism), I have so much more respect for a community such as theirs, that values well-reasoned and respectful (MOST of the time) replies to posts. Contrast this with the garbage, utter nonsense, and retarded behavior that’s only acceptable in certain corners of the internet.

Maybe the internet has allowed these places to thrive because people still want to act like children and avoid growing up and acting like an adult?

Argg, ok, enough ranting. I had to get that off my chest. I hope I’m not the only one who feels this way.

One of my favorite websites, Stage6, has been hacked and has been offline all day :(. Think of Stage6 as YouTube, but 1000x better quality.

Freakin hackers - you’re supposed to take down the BAD websites, not the good ones. I’m sure no one would mind seeing microsoft.com hacked. Although, I’d imagine it would be a lot harder, since they probably have more security measures in place. Just imagine, they must have a guy who sits there all day, refreshing the site to make sure it’s still up and working.

Anyhow, sad day for it to go down, too, being a Saturday and all. All the techs are home playing video games. Looks like we’ll wait till Monday until it’s up again!